lauren.
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
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Post by lauren. on Jan 12, 2013 1:03:11 GMT -5
Rosalie, I took a deep breathe in, knowing I shouldn't open that door but I am so angry. I swung the door open, glaring at him,"How dare you! How dare you come back here. You know what you did and you expect me to take you back? You're a fucking idiot for thinking that,"I yelled as I held my belly slightly. "You left me, scared, lonely and fucking pregnant. By myself. It's not like I could have ran away from it. You're unbelievable! Do you know the pain that has torn up my body because of you?! Damn it!"I said tears springing in my eyes.
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haileyjordan
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
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Post by haileyjordan on Jan 12, 2013 1:08:59 GMT -5
Caleb, I hated seeing her like this. So angry and sad. "I know. I know. You have every right to be completely pissed at me. And I agree with you. I fucked everything up. I fucked myself up. I ran when I thought that was the solution. I wasn't thinking. Rosalie you mean so much to me. I-I was a mess without you. I thought that leaving would be the easy way out. It was easier to pretend I didn't care, when it was killing me inside. Being without you made me realize how much I need you. And this isn't some sappy shit story to make you feel sorry for me. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your love. But I can't live without it." I said, feeling my throat become dry. My eyes began to grow watery as I looked at her.
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lauren.
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 6,685
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Post by lauren. on Jan 12, 2013 1:28:29 GMT -5
Rosalie, I shook my head as I closed my eyes. I've never seen him cry and I don't want to because I know, I know I'll forgive him when I shouldn't. "I can't forgive you,"I said gripping the door as my legs grew weak. "It's not that simple. You left me,"I said not yelling anymore,"You left me on that god awful cold floor begging for you to stay,"I said as I looked at him, tears beginning to fall. "My life has been hell since you left. I've been sick, I'm pregnant, my parents semi-hate me, I'm fat, and I don't have a fucking job,"I said shaking my head. I rubbed my stomach,"You're sure as hell right that you don't deserve me, & you don't deserve our baby either,"I said cooly. He was supposed to be here for it all,"You were supposed to be here for when he first kicked in my stomach, for the crazy hiccups that happen, the small things. But you weren't,"I whispered as tears fell silently.
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haileyjordan
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 4,781
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Post by haileyjordan on Jan 12, 2013 1:35:29 GMT -5
Caleb, Oh god. Hearing her say that almost just about broke me down. When she said he. It was a boy. I couldn't even speak. "Rose I screwed up. I don't know how many times I can say that. I have changed so much. I have realized how immature I was. I haven't slept in who knows how long. I'm lucky if I get two hours of sleep. I know it's at that point that I should just leave you alone, but you and I both know that I'm not that strong. I hated myself for leaving you. I still hate myself. I could never do it again. You know how hard it will be to raise a child by yourself. Please Rose." I practically begged as I felt tears fall down my face also. I couldn't remember the last time I cried, but right now it was more than necessary.
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lauren.
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 6,685
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Post by lauren. on Jan 12, 2013 1:41:33 GMT -5
Rosalie, I covered my mouth as I saw him begin to cry also. I shook my head,"I've been preparing myself to raise this child on my own,"I said shakily. Of course I was, I didn't think he would come back. I lost hope three months ago. I felt sick and dizzy,"You need to go,"I said as I closed my eyes breathing in. Obviously my baby could tell I was stressed, confused and tired as he kicked in my stomach, as if asking if I was okay. I placed my hand where he kicked, needing to sit down.
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haileyjordan
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 4,781
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Post by haileyjordan on Jan 12, 2013 1:45:47 GMT -5
Caleb, I was doing exactly what she did to me before I left: begging. And she was doing exactly what I did to her: shutting me out. I now knew what the pain felt like, and it was deep. "Rose please. I need you. I need us," I said through a shaky voice. I couldn't just let it end like that. I was going to fight for this family. I needed to fix what I destroyed.
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lauren.
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 6,685
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Post by lauren. on Jan 12, 2013 1:50:52 GMT -5
Rosalie, I felt the pain come back that I tried so hard to lock away. I shook my head,"I-I can't. Please, go,"I said now sobbing as I stepped back inside shutting the door and locking it. This wasn't fair! How can he think he can come back when all it does is tear open mending scars. I gasped as I hugged myself, leaning against the door. My heart said to let him in and keep him here but the logic side says not to.
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haileyjordan
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 4,781
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Post by haileyjordan on Jan 12, 2013 1:53:57 GMT -5
Caleb, I leaned my head against the door as I finally full out cried. This was all my fault. I hated my own guts. She was too perfect, and I deserved none of her. I had my chance and I let it slip from my hands. It's true that you don't realize what you have until it's gone. I slid down so my back was against the door, my head in my hands. I wanted to help raise our son. I wanted someone to call me daddy.
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lauren.
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 6,685
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Post by lauren. on Jan 12, 2013 1:58:23 GMT -5
Rosalie, I could hear Caleb crying outside the door which finally broke me down completely. I shook my head frantically, feeling like I was going crazy. I stumbled to the couch, laying down in it and curling up the best I could. I pulled the blanket around me as I sobbed into it. I needed to calm down for the baby's sake but... I just couldn't.
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haileyjordan
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 4,781
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Post by haileyjordan on Jan 12, 2013 2:01:35 GMT -5
Caleb, I wasn't going to leave this spot. I would stay here all night if I had too. I wasn't going to walk out on her like I did last time. Even if she didn't want me, I was going to prove to her that no matter how hard it got I wasn't going to leave her, and that I would keep her safe.
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lauren.
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 6,685
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Post by lauren. on Jan 12, 2013 2:04:35 GMT -5
Rosalie, It had been awhile and I must have cried myself to sleep. I open my eyes and realize that it's dark outside. It then hits me of what all had just happened today. I breathe in deeply and shake my head. It's for the best that he's gone and not here to make things worse.
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haileyjordan
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 4,781
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Post by haileyjordan on Jan 12, 2013 2:08:10 GMT -5
Caleb, I was laying on the doorstep of her house, passed out. I'm pretty sure all the anxiety and panic and pain had finally altogether broke me down. I hadn't sleep this peaceful (if you can call it that) in months. The concrete floor of our house was more comfortable to me than any hotel or apartment bed.
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lauren.
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 6,685
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Post by lauren. on Jan 12, 2013 9:39:58 GMT -5
Rosalie, I struggled getting up and walked to the window to look outside. I noticed that Caleb's car was still here. What the hell? I opened the door, looking around wondering if he was in the car. I stepped out a little hitting something at my feet. My eyes widened when I saw Caleb asleep,"What the hell are you still doing here?"I asked bewildered.
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haileyjordan
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 4,781
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Post by haileyjordan on Jan 12, 2013 18:57:35 GMT -5
Caleb, I woke up in a panic as I sat up quickly. I looked up at her, before I collected myself up off the floor. "I'm not leaving Rose. I'm not walking out anymore. No matter what you say," I told her. I would sit here everyday if I had too.
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lauren.
Squirrely Squirrels Doing Squirrely Things
Posts: 6,685
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Post by lauren. on Jan 13, 2013 0:13:08 GMT -5
Rosalie, I stared at him so shocked,"So you're just going to sit out here?"I asked completely shocked. Is he fucking crazy?!
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